Run your own race....

 

I received this necklace as a birthday gift a year ago,
I couldn't wear it until this year! My neck has lost 6.75 inches!

 I haven't written anything for a few weeks, it's not because I don't have anything to say.  I have LOTS to say.  I have been dealing with a weird issue though...and I thought I'd share that. 

     I have hit a plateau.  I feel like a failure.  I am stuck at losing 95 lbs, and I really want to get to the first goal of 100lbs lost by my 49th birthday!  I feel like there's a clock running with an alarm set and if I don't get to that first goal, I'll be a huge failure. Personally, I have had a very hard time with this. 

     I know I have lost inches because my clothes are still loser, and I can go down in sizes..but, it doesn't matter to me.  I WANT to say I have lost 100lbs!  I express this to my Blonde Goddess and she always says, "It's a marathon, NOT a sprint."  I don't want to be in a marathon!  I want to just run and get it over with!  Dr. Biceps told me to not concentrate on numbers on the scale, to concentrate on the hurdles I've accomplished in living! Ok, ok...it's a marathon....not a sprint...got it. And, I will try to acknowledge the things that I can do now that only ten months ago I couldn't.  I can walk all the way around the football fields now! My amazing Blonde Goddess reminded me of this being the main goal when I first started crossfit!  I had forgotten. She's right, I can do that now, and I do NOT ever want to take it for granted. I have met goals!

     As I listened to my Pastor speak this morning in church, I realized, LIFE is a race.  We don't just run through it, we have burdens to deal with to help "lighten" our load as we are on our life's road.  I am definitely dealing with those burdens!! We have to acknowledge what is important in life, and let the rest sit by the side, and unload our burden, "lighten our load".

     One burden is how I am feeling and reacting to how other people see me now.  I am having a hard time accepting compliments.  I have always had a hard time with this.  I am my worst critic. I don't see positives in myself, I see faults.  So, when someone compliments me lately, I find myself replying with a negative...."Oh Thank you, BUT I still have a 100lbs to go to my ultimate goal."  OR "Thank you, BUT, I have disgusting skin on my arms...."  OR "well, it's a start, I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so huge in the first place." 

     WHY can't I just take a compliment?  I just make it more awkward for the person giving the compliment and for myself! I'm going to really try harder on dealing with this better! I really need to be proud of myself.

     Another burden I have is the fear that comes with knowing people are watching me on this road.  I have heard so many times, "you are an inspiration"!  I am so EXTREMELY touched and thankful for this compliment, but I feel so scared now!  I'm petrified of failing and going back to my depressed, anxiety driven life and being over 400lbs.  I mean, it would be ONE thing if I failed and I had to deal with it, but what if I fail and NOW hundreds of people are witness to it?  HOW humiliating would that be?  YIKES.

     I need to keep going, slowly and surely.  I will keep my eyes on the end of this marathon race....and I will KEEP my eyes on Christ.  He is the only one that gives me strength, and trust me, this race is HARD.  I still want to gobble up about 18 Everything bagels from Panera Bread, or a HUGE pot of homemade chicken and noodles with mashed potatoes, or a HUGE pie (I don't care what kind) OR chips and salsa....ok ok...I need to get on to the point I was making, haha....the point is, I need to stop obsessing about the number on the scale, I need to be proud of myself and take compliments graciously, and I need to keep my eyes on Christ to get to my goal and to live my life's race with grace and endure each burden with knowing there is a prize at the end, but also everyday of life is a prize.

     It's been 35 years at least that I have ran or even resembled anything close to a jog....this happened at cross fit a few days ago!  Yep, look closely....this obese 48 year old woman...did a little jog!  Who would have thought?  I didn't fall either. I guess I'll keep running.... literally, and figuratively.
   

First jog in 35 years. (09/13/18)

"Each morning, It's a new day! When your feet hit the floor, say I will endure! I will lighten the load, I will NOT abandon the race! Complete the race, endure the cross, remain faithful! Follow Him, fix your eyes on Christ!" --Pastor John Clayton, September 23, 2018

Living my 2nd "Firsts".....

   

Me on my Anniversary in a BOUTIQUE blouse! 

 Today I took my boys to their first day of school for this 2018-2019 year.  As I drove away, trying not to cry at the thought that my sons are growing up way too fast, I found myself also shocked at the fast way Summer flew by!  I can't believe I have a Sophomore in High School, and my baby is now an 8th grader!  My oldest son turned 24 this summer, and I am so proud of how my 3 boys are growing up in to strong and amazing young men.  However, I am saddened that I missed several years being so depressed and anxious, I feel sometimes I let them down.  I didn't do as much with them as I could have. This makes me very guilty and sad.

      As I drove home, I recollected over our summer together, me and my boys and my family.  We are so blessed to have each other and for us to be healthy.  I remember the laughter and the good times we packed in to the few months!  There were days all we did was stay at home and argue, irritate each other, and complain.  Ha, but those days are still better than the days I used to live in my bed with my head covered wishing for night time.

      This summer, I had a lot of 2nd firsts! What are 2nd firsts? These are things I did for the first time in a LONG time!  One such 2nd first was going swimming.  In a pool...real pool....with other people around...that I didn't know!  I haven't been in a pool for almost 15 years.  I don't especially enjoy water.  I think I watched a movie when I was young...I'm SURE I wasn't supposed to be watching it....I'm sorry Mama.....and it has created a phobia in me about water ever since.  Pools, Lakes, and definitely the ocean (when I saw it the first time) petrify me!  But, when my youngest boy asked me with his big blue eyes to go swimming with him at the hotel pool one afternoon, I couldn't resist.

     I pulled out my swimming suit that I purchased a year or so ago for an insane amount of money. They don't sell Big Girl swimming suits very cheap! I remember that day, I had signed up to take a water aerobics class in another town (DUH!) and needed a suit.  I finally found one that would fit me, and the store was pretty proud of it! $243 proud! Bless my Prince Charming, he always supports me in any way and told me to buy that suit for my class.  I went one time.

      I put on that swimming suit, it was actually a little too big! I went to the hotel swimming pool, hot tub and I had a blast with my boy. This is what lifetime "dieters" like me call a NSV--non scale victory.  :)  I am now not going to refer to these as NSV's...these are my 2nd firsts of living the rest of my life! Side Note, I wasn't even afraid of Green Peace being called to "Save The Whale" this time! HEHEHE

      I also went bowling with my family!  I don't remember the last time I went bowling! It was a blast, and I might add, I'm still pretty good! I took bowling in college (28 years ago) because I had to have a PE credit, and I was looking for an easy one. Hehehe, I remember the basement bowling alley wall getting a big chunk taken out of it with my off sided gutter ball one day...I wonder if that wall still has the hole I created at Fort Hays State University? ooops..
   I should donate to those Alumni letters I get?

    I worked out with my 16 year old for the FIRST time ever!  We have never done any exercise together.  He's the Mini Me of his Dad, my Prince Charming in all aspects of being athletic.  He always has been!  My 16 year old actually did a cross-fit workout with me, and it was one of the high lights of my summer!

      Another attribute my 16 year old inherited from his Daddy is the ability to never take a good picture. Sorry, it's true. HAHA.


     I also shopped in a fancy Boutique.  YEP, you read that right!  I shopped at a BOUTIQUE...you know the ones that are for women who are "normal" sized....you walk in and you find something on a clothes rack and you try it on....and then you buy it?  YEP, that has been a LONG time since I have done that. I bought some amazing blouses and I LOVED every minute of it! I had to get some jewelry to match too ya know!  Again, I love my Prince Charming so much...he spoils me. 

     This summer my sons had birthdays, and my Prince Charming and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.  I'm determined to lose another 100 lbs and hit my goal by the end of next summer...and I'm going to enjoy every single day in the meantime doing a LOT of 2nd firsts!


Melanie :)

UPDATE:  Today, I have lost a hair under 90lbs.  8/20/2018 Life is good.
   
   

Life has challenges...

Same shirt. 7 months difference. 

 

 Life isn't easy.  Life has many challenges, and usually those times are the times that get me extremely down, depressed, and my anxiety acts up.  My coping skills were to usually eat.  Eat until I was miserable, then sleep. Not healthy at all.  I have done this for the last 12 years to cope with any hardships that life threw at me.  Really helped, right?  Sure....helped me get to 428 lbs.

     This weekend has been one of these life challenges.  I have struggled, I have felt the old familiar dread feeling arise a few times.  I have fought back the urge to eat unhealthy, carbohydrate loaded breads, bagels, pasta, etc.  I have struggled with my anxiety.  Replaying the horror of losing our family's favorite pet, Hershey Kiss.  I can't stop replaying the horror in my mind.   It wears on my emotions, which in turn challenges my eating and exercising that is still pretty new to me.  It's new to me to turn to other ways to cope with my emotions.  I've really had to push myself these last several days.  I will be the first to admit that I am NOT perfect or a professional....far from it.

     We went on a small family vacation to get away from the routine and life.  We arrived at a beautiful hotel in Rogers, Arkansas.  I get so mad at myself sometimes that I allow anxiety to dictate the happiness of life sometimes....this may not make sense to most, but to me it's very real.  I've learned that praying and being out in the sunshine has always helped, and eating was always a comfort (even though for a short time).  BUT NOW, eating wrong isn't an option for me.  Not an option to fall back to my old habits, NOT an option.  I refuse to allow myself to go backwards.

     We rented a boat and got in the open sunshine.  It was amazing, and also scary for me since I have a phobia of water.  But, to hear my boys laughing and having a good time was worth every single ounce of anxiety I was experiencing on the lake.

Beaver Lake, Arkansas

     I also made myself, yes MADE myself, do a cross fit routine in my hotel room.  I'm not completely ready to go to the hotel fitness center....I might feel brave enough by tomorrow.  It's not like I can just walk in a fitness center and not feel eyes on me....those muscle bound, fit yoga pants wearing strangers don't know I have worked hard for almost 8 months and I used to be almost 85 lbs heavier.  All they see is the long road I still have to travel, losing another 100lbs. I shouldn't let that bother me, but it does, just is the way it is with me. I can't explain it, so I won't try.

I always ask for bunless hamburgers!  This one was so good!

I have to make myself see the beauty in life, NOT the horror.

    I did a simple routine that's a  21-15-9 routine in cross fit...it is basically 21 of each maneuver and then 15 of it, then 9 of it....and you can have several maneuvers.  I chose sit ups, push ups and air squats.  I usually don't make up any of my routines, The Blonde Goddess does it all for me, thank goodness!   I couldn't believe I actually was doing this when I was in the midst of it....really?  what has happened to me?  I wanted to order a huge platter of french fries from room service and instead I was forcing my body to do cross fit in my room. I was praying to Jesus to help me with my anxiety that was still trying to ruin my day....the sweating, heavy breathing and shortness of breath actually does help. I have also made myself walk over 5,000 steps each day...

not much?  ya, it is to me since I used to only walk close to 700 steps in a day. Sad, but so true.

 

     Life is so hard.  But, I am slowly, SLOWLY learning to deal with the hard times a different way than I did for years.  It's NOT EASY.  I still have my extremely hard days and I still stumble.  But, it's better to stumble and get up than to stumble and stay down.

Melanie :)

   

Me and Hershey in 2017....I weighed my highest weight.

It's the Simple things.....

     

Today was an awesome day.  What happened that was so amazing?  Nothing really out of the ordinary, day to day living to millions of people each day.  To me though, the little things that are everyday living make me feel ALIVE!

     I woke up this morning when my Prince Charming called me at 5:00am.  He's been my Prince Charming for over 25 years!  We will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on August 14 of this year.  I had asked Prince Charming to call me so I didn't turn off my alarm and oversleep.  I have been known to do that a couple of times....hahaha...ok, I'll be honest...I do it all the time!

     I needed to take our middle son, who is almost 16, to his football weights training at 6am, then we needed to work in the gardens.  YES, we have two gardens!  I married a farmer, who is retired from farming but graduated to aircraft for the last 20 years.  I've said it before and I'll say it again..."you can take the man off the farm, but you cannot take the farming out of the man!"

     I delivered my football boy to his weights workout and thought, "I'll just go clean out this pickup and vacuum it while he's there."  Get this....I DID!  I actually took out all the trash that 3 boys can accumulate in a vehicle in a few days time which is more than I would like to admit!  I vacuumed the floor mats, the carpet, etc.  JUST normal, everyday vehicle cleaning.  But, you see....in the past 5 to 10 years I would never have been able to do this simple thing.  I would have hired it done or my boys would have had to do it or my Prince Charming.

     I then went IN TO the gas station and got myself a coffee.  Oh? What's the big deal on that you ask?  It wasn't too long ago that I wouldn't have walked into the gas station unless it was absolutely necessary and no other option was available to pay for my gas and I was on empty.  Today, I just wanted a coffee...I JUST WANTED A COFFEE AND I WENT IN AND PURCHASED ONE.

     The day continued as I found myself doing every day, SIMPLE tasks, that most take for granted.  I went to Walmart... yep....by myself.  As I left Walmart, pushing my own cart, to my pickup that was NOT parked in the closest stall to the entrance.....I realized......"wow, I actually walked all over Walmart, to the customer service desk, checked out myself, put items up out of the cart on the check out belt....and even stood there and chatted with the cashier!"  I didn't sit down on the bench across from the checkout lanes.   I know where every single bench is in my hometown Walmart.  Sad, but so true.   I also realized I passed the electric scooters that I will never be tempted to use one of those again.   I had to use one of those once.  I was so mortified that I never did it again and I always stayed in my vehicle making my boys go in to Walmart for me after that.   BUT, not today.  TODAY, I did it.

     I picked beautiful produce in my gardens!  I even RAKED all around my house. With a rake. All around my house, I was sweating and breathing heavy and I LOVED IT.  Life is awesome when you can live it doing the simple things.

     I mopped my kitchen floor, I made lunch for my boys and STOOD up as I cooked.  The secret is out....I have an office chair in my kitchen and in the past several years I've had to sit while cooking and doing dishes.  Not today.  I was not using my rolling chair and then I realized...."I am STANDING and cooking!" I cried..right there in my kitchen.  Yes, that was a little simple thing, but HUGE accomplishment to me.

     Life is full of simple things. The simple things are slowing becoming my "big things".  I may not be the strongest, or the fastest, or the most beautiful 48 year old Mama out there, but I am making HUGE progress on making a better life for me and my family. No matter how slow I go, I am still doing better than I was just 8 months ago sitting on my couch.

   Tonight I will go to sleep, tired from living life and doing BIG THINGS, I'll wake up and go to my cross fit workout early.  I'm becoming crazy that way. :)  It may seem foolish to some.....BUT, life isn't cross fit. Life isn't KETO.  Life is using the strength I'm getting from cross fit and KETO to LIVE my life. Really LIVE it. I will never take the simple things for granted. I treasure them.

Did I really live through that?

   

First time walking at Cross-fit.

 Monday.  Sigh...Monday, the first of my 5 workouts for this week. I really love my weekends OFF from working out, however, I also hate them because it just seems that the Monday morning workout is harder than ever! Not sure who I'm trying to kid...they are ALL hard workouts! Today was no exception.

     I arrived at the Cross-fit gym, and The Blonde Goddess was there already....we chatted for a little while about my homemade ketchup making I am trying to attempt, laughing, then we did some push presses.  Some days, my warm up is exhausting and I say to myself..."If my warm up is making me winded, I'm petrified of the workout for the day!"

     As I'm heaving and sounding like a huge Mammoth gal doing push presses....in walks Dr. Biceps.  Dr. Biceps, he's an amazing chiropractor, the poster child for IN SHAPE, and very knowledgeable about all things fitness and health.  Doc is actually the one who convinced me to "TRY" Cross-fit! I remember that day, I actually laughed on the way home at the absurdity of the idea....I mean, a 428 lb. woman who could barely walk do CROSS FIT???  Yep, I thought Dr. Biceps had actually lost his mind.

     Fast forward to my warm up this Monday morning....I'm heaving my way through it and I overhear:
   
     "Are you going to have her do the workout for today that's posted?"  Dr. Biceps asks The Blonde Goddess.
     "Hmm, yeah, I think I might...she could..." replies The Blonde Goddess.
     Dr. Biceps says, "yeah, have her walk around the building for the 200 meter run."

Hello....yooo hooooo....remember me?  The obese lady that's STILL OBESE????    I'm still here!  I'm over here sweating enough to fill Lake Michigan...I hear you two chit chatting even though I can't breathe.....Did I hear you say "walk around the building?"  I prayed to Jesus..."please Jesus please...I can't walk much today!"  Well, Jesus answered my prayers. He helped me through it and I'm alive to write this now.

     I start my workout.... THREE repeats of this: 20 Wall Balls, I loathe these...they always seem to smash into my face....that's always fun...8 lb medicine ball...SPLAT....SMACK....repeat.

Wall Balls a.k.a. Hell Balls

Then, 300 meter row on the rowing machine....15 pull ups. I do these on rings still....some day I will get to "real" pull-ups!  Walk around the building......then, last but not least, finish with 5 bur-pees.  THREE times people.

     I am officially naming this WOD (workout of the day): HELP ME JESUS.

     I just pray....I hear my trainer's voice coaching me, encouraging me....and I still pray. Jesus help. I pray, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I continue to pray.

     I've told The Blonde Goddess since DAY ONE of Cross Fit that if I EVER go down....EVER fall down...do NOT..I repeat...DO NOT call 911.  I don't need the firetrucks and paramedics showing up to use the crane to help up the fat lady out at the Cross Fit gym, becoming front page news on the daily newspaper! Today, I think I came close.  On that 3rd walk around the building, I saw stars...real stars, then I realized it was 11am..the stars were ME becoming light headed.  I was scoping out a good place to land on that concrete.

     So, 30 minutes later, I finished.  I was exhausted.  I was so out of breath...I was almost crying.  Why do I do that to myself?  I'll answer....it's very simple really.   As grueling as that workout was, it was NOTHING compared to the days I couldn't walk ten feet!  NOTHING compared to the days I couldn't get on the floor or couldn't even pick up a basket of my boys's laundry.  Nothing compared to the countless days I sat in my vehicle as one of my boys had to run in to the grocery store.  Nothing compared to the days I would lose my breath walking only halfway around my son's football game to the bleachers hoping no one heard me breathing so heavy and loud..... NOTHING.

     Yes, that 30 minute MONDAY workout was incredibly hard, but, I DID IT!  I did it. I walked around that building 3 times.  Only 7 months ago I couldn't get up out of a chair without one of my boys helping me.  So, I will DO it again. And, again.  And, again. Because I CAN.  My Dad has always told me and my siblings that we can do anything we put our minds too.....and some days my Cross Fit workout is my mind pushing my body to it's limit.

     But, I believe with Jesus helping, my Blonde Goddess believing in me, Dr. Biceps coaching me and my family supporting me, I'll make it a lot further than just around that dang building 3 times! I will make it to my goal.


Melanie :)

What do I eat?

   

 I will be the first to admit that I am addicted to food.  I love everything about food, the way it's prepared, the awesome kitchen gadgets used to prepare it, the fellowship that usually involves it, to the way the aroma of a creation smells as it's baking or cooking!  I adore the way food makes a home smell amazing. 

    As long as I can remember I have had a fascination with recipes!  Growing up I would collect recipes like most girls my age were collecting barbie dolls and lip smackers! I would put these cherished recipes in a wooden recipe box my Mom had given me.  I still have that recipe box!  I would even create my own recipes, writing them out on recipe cards, clip recipes off the back of soup cans, out of newspapers and magazines and add them to this treasure box. If I was lucky enough to get a recipe in someone else's handwriting....SCORE!  I was thrilled to add that recipe to my wooden box. To this day, some of my most prized possessions are recipes in my Mom's handwriting and my Grandma's handwriting. 

     I love watching food programs on television and I remember watching food programs before there was specific channel on how to prepare food!  So, you could say, I was just born with a love of food, all aspects of it!  

    I have learned to look at food a completely different way.  Don't get me wrong, I still LOVE food, but, now I have to look at it as fuel for my body, NOT as a short term comfort for my emotions. TRUST ME though, I still could eat a whole plate of spaghetti, cheesy pizza,  tons of chips and salsa, or a half a dozen of chocolate cupcakes!! When I'm sad, happy, lonely, bored, anxious, depressed, etc., I have to fight those urges every single day!  I'm not perfect! I'm human, and I'm a food addict.  

     One of the things I have learned that has helped me the most in the past 7 months, is LOGGING my bites.  I was told for years, "write down what you eat"....sure...blah blah blah.....I never did it...until NOW.  And, I can honestly say now, that it has become as routine as brushing my teeth!  I use My Fitness Pal. 

    I also have to prepare and think ahead to what I'm going to eat for the day, or even for the week!  If I wait until it's lunchtime and I don't have any idea, I will be tempted to get fast food or something that's NOT healthy!  I mean, Taco Bell is RIGHT THERE! I can put a whole new meaning on Taco Tuesday every day, not just Tuesday, if ya know what I mean! Haha.

  Lots of people have asked me to tell them what I eat now since losing weight.  My answer seems to be "I eat simple now".   I only do a few "cool" recipes once or twice a week.  I still love me some recipes! I love the challenge of making my comfort food recipes into KETO friendly recipes, but FIRST and for most days.....SIMPLE is the way I roll.  

Here's a list of what my favorites seem to always be:

Farm fresh eggs

Bacon

Sausage

Cheeses (blue cheese crumbles are a favorite!)

Avocados (I am so picky on how I purchase these!  I'll video tape my next trip to purchase them!)

Hamburger

Chicken (unbreaded)

Bratwursts

Cheese Sticks

Macadamia Nuts

Almonds

Bullet Proof Coffee (I will have a post all about how I make this!)

Asparagus

Broccoli

Brussels Sprouts

Cauliflower 

Spinach, fresh

Dark Leaf Lettuces

Real Mayo

Cream Cheese

Sour Cream

Heavy Whipping Cream

Real Ranch Dressing

Here's my supper for tonight!  One of my favorites, and very easy!  It covers the 3 main things I focus on: GOOD FAT, GOOD PROTEIN, and GOOD veggies, especially dark green ones!

The makings of my supper!!!

Fresh garden tomato sliced, fried eggs in butter, and sauteed spinach!

I also did my "food prep" for the coming week! I try to do it on Sunday nights. 

Hard Boiled Eggs

    I baked Bratwursts, then I put them in baggies and in the fridge! I cut up summer sausages, cheese, hard boiled some eggs, baked some asparagus with hamburger "steaks", scrambled up some eggs with cheese and sausage.  (I also keep track of how many eggs I scrambled, amount of cheese and sausage) I will portion it out as I eat it.  

Scrambled Eggs, Cheese & Sausage

Baked Asparagus & Hamburger "Steaks"

Love my Bratwursts!  

I put everything in baggies! 

And, in bowls!  

 I am ready for the week to grab & go!  Now, you have to keep in mind, I am a MOM of 3 BOYS!  So, this will be grazed on by all in the house throughout the week, not just me. :) 

As I've said before, I'm not a professional! It seems to be working for me, so I hope it helps someone else, and let me know your go to favorites!

Melanie :)

Who am I now?

   

July 20, 2018

I woke up this morning, and didn't feel good at all.  I had to text my cross fit trainer, AKA The Blonde Goddess,  and cancel my 5th workout for this week..(I go 5 days a week).  I felt so guilty and kind of sad that I was going to miss, but I knew I couldn't make it. Then, I stopped and realized....WHO am I????  Just a few short months ago, I was trying to NOT wake up early, I only wanted to sleep and not face the day!  I would do anything to not face the mornings.  I hate mornings still, but for the past 12 years, I've hated them to the point I can't even explain.  Anxiety and depression ruled my brain, every waking moment.

     I remember a time when I wouldn't want to even go to the grocery store to pick up my anxiety medication because I had to walk from my vehicle, across the parking lot and allll the way back to the pharmacy!  Thank goodness there were chairs I could sit on when I got there!  It doesn't seem like that long ago!!  I know to some people, walking a short distance isn't a big deal.  But, my life had now consisted of strategy sessions in my mind anytime I was to go somewhere....on "where can I sit? How far is it to walk?  Will it be too far?  What if I fall???"

     Twelve years ago, my life was brought to a halt, and I couldn't breathe.  My best friend, my Hero, and my role model went to Heaven.  My Mom.  She was amazing. I felt like everything in my life now was covered in a dark cloud of doom.  A little dramatic?  Maybe, but not really.  I had to push myself to do simple tasks!  I had 3 sons to take care of and that was almost impossible most days.

     Today, I want to start the process of helping anyone I can. I am not anyone special!  I'm just an almost 49 year old Mom of 3 boys, a wife of almost 25 years that is daily working on the road to a better life! I hit this road hard and started off on December 2017.... sure has it turns, curves, steep hills, dark valleys, and a LOT OF bridges to cross!!!!!

I would love to share my 'eh' moments, my "I DID IT!" moments, and any tips I might come across!  I'm real.  I'm not fake, and I don't candy coat things I say! (This can get me in trouble in past! hehehe) I will answer any questions, honestly.  I don't lie.

 NO, I am not a professional!  NO, I do NOT have all the answers to anything! NO, I am not to my goal!  FAR from it!!!! It is very hard for me to be so exposed, to let people know how much weight I gained since my Mom's death in 2006.  Not sure why?  It's not like I was really able to HIDE the fact I was obese! I tried to make up for the fact I was so out of shape and huge with amazing cosmetics and hair!  I'm pretty sure I wasn't fooling anyone....hahaha, and I know I wasn't fooling myself.  I felt every single pound. I felt every single person's eyes on me too....but, I still wasn't ready to face the fact I was in need of help.

     So, some people have asked me if I had a "moment when it clicked".  What clicked??? I mean, I KNEW I needed helped, I knew I was in bad shape!  I had a moment that "clicked" all the time, several 100 times I suppose!  I spent time and money on all of these moments!  Always thinking, THIS IS GOING TO BE IT!  This time, I'm going to get in shape! This time I'm going to lose this weight finally!  I had TONS of moments that clicked.....but, I never followed through.  I always fell back into my depression....fell back into my comfort zone of eating....anything, and lots of it. So, NOPE, I can't share a moment when it "clicked" for me. I, personally, think that's crazy. Only thing clicking around me was my knees. hehehe....

     December 1, 2017, I hired a personal trainer.  I had met this Cross Fit trainer only a few days before.  I think I sweated a couple of pounds just meeting her.  She is gorgeous.  She's in perfect shape, I mean she's amazing.   I was completely intimated to tears.  Who was I kidding????  She wouldn't want to help an old woman who weighed 428 lbs, and couldn't walk.  But, she did.  She was very sweet, very knowledgeable, and seemed to be very caring. So, I hired this blonde goddess, and decided....eh, I'll give her a couple of cross fit sessions to realize I'm beyond help.  I, actually remember asking her one time after my 2nd session of modified cross fit if I disgusted her..I mean, why wouldn't I?  I disgusted myself.  She was shocked I asked and answered, "NO!  I will NOT let you feel sorry for yourself!"  Well, ok.... she had me at "YOU can do this!"

     I'm sharing a video of my 4th cross fit session, it was December 15, 2017.   It is incredibly embarrassing for me to watch, let alone share.  I was doing "bur-pees" to a 30" box...and walking....YES, walking around to 4 of these wood 30" boxes.....I weighed 428 lbs.

Bur-pee on the floor! 

First bur-pee to 30" box, 428 lbs

   

THIS week, I did Bur-pees to the floor, and I actually JUMPED afterwards!  The 2nd video I'm sharing is me JUMPING after my floor bur-pee...hahaha, you can tell I was shocked at the air under my feet! I mean, there was AIR under my feet!   It's been 7 months of HARD work and tracking every single bite I eat!  I've lost 80 lbs so far and I still have a long road to go....

BUT, my goal is to let EVERYONE know that IF I CAN do this....anyone can!  I mean....I was 428 lbs!  I am 48 years old! So, here's the first of many videos, photos, recipes, etc. I hope to share.  Stay with me as I travel this long dirt road to my ultimate goal of losing another 100-150 lbs!!!! I just completed my 310th cross fit session.....yep, the Blonde Goddess didn't give up on me yet, and she's still putting up with my whining, crying, moaning, and flat out griping!  .....Let's travel my road together!


Melanie :)